Ep 060: Exploring Family Dramas and How Anxiety Manifests in Relationships
Our last episode before our summer break is one of the first guests our listeners asked us to have on the show! We had the absolute pleasure of talking to DR. KATHLEEN SMITH, a licensed therapist and writer who lives in Washington, DC. Her books include Everything Isn't Terrible: Conquer Your Insecurities, Interrupt Your Anxiety and Finally Calm Down, and, out July 2024, True to You: A Therapist's Guide to Stop Pleasing Others and Start Being Yourself.
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Today we’re talking about anxiety through the lens of how it functions in relation to others and how you can manage different forms of anxious behavior within relationships. We cover the three As that manifest because of anxiety -- Avoiding, accommodating, and acting out -- and imagine what it would be like to let that go and be yourself and let other people be the same.
We discuss how we can get stuck in patterns and what it takes to break out of them while dealing with the accompanying uncomfortableness. We also talk about the impact of over-functioning and under-functioning roles in relationships and how we are responsible TO someone and not FOR them. Such an important distinction!
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Music: Deppisch
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TAKEAWAYS
Anxiety is a natural part of life and can be an activating force.
Anxiety should be viewed in the context of how it functions within a group or relationship, not just as an individual experience.
Over-functioning and under-functioning roles in relationships can contribute to anxiety and tension.
Taking responsibility for oneself and allowing others to be themselves is key to managing anxiety in relationships.
Curiosity, introspection, and self-acceptance are important tools for navigating anxiety and relationships. Start by being open and authentic in safe spaces before gradually expanding to more challenging relationships.
Set boundaries to avoid burnout and maintain a healthy work-life balance.
Recognize the difference between being responsible for others and being responsible to them.
ABOUT OUR GUEST
DR. KATHLEEN SMITH is a licensed therapist and writer who lives in Washington, DC. Her books include Everything Isn't Terrible: Conquer Your Insecurities, Interrupt Your Anxiety, and Finally Calm Down, as well as True to You: A Therapist's Guide to Stop Pleasing Others and Start Being Yourself. She is an associate faculty member at the Bowen Center for the Study of the Family, teaching leaders around the globe how to "think systems." She has written for popular publications such as Slate, Salon, New York Magazine, Psychology Today, and more, and she is the author of the popular newsletter, The Anxious Overachiever.
REFERENCES
BOOKS: Everything Isn't Terrible: Conquer Your Insecurities, Interrupt Your Anxiety and Finally Calm Down and True to You: A Therapist's Guide to Stop Pleasing Others and Start Being Yourself.
Growing Yourself Up by Dr. Jenny Brown
Other episodes you’ll enjoy:
The Big C: Breast Cancer and Mental Health - Episode 058
Causeway and Traumatic Brain Injury - Episode 042
Investigating Inequality Across Film and TV - Episode 041